(A Message From Karen)Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

We all have ‘em. Emotional Escape Hatches. You know, those little things we do to soften the blow of those little feelings we just don’t want to feel…..

Often clients who start on a healthy living journey (or even those who have been on it for some time) surprise themselves when those little habits they once had – diving into a pint of ice cream, settling into a plate of pastries, eating a bag of M & M’s at the movie theatre – suddenly take over, again, like a body possession of sorts.

I’ve seen this many times, especially when a new batch of 10 or 12 Week Best Shape Challengers start the program. Why does this happen, they wonder, and what’s behind it all?

Well, it’s called being human. We all have our emotional excape hatches. The trick is to know them, name them (call them out, really) so we can start to create something fresh.

See, our patterns of behaviour are like well-worn tire tracks. Our behavious are so well-worn, with year after year of patterned reactions, that the grooves are deep, so deep in fact that they are often unconscious, and our reactions take over: you have a bad day at work, you’re tired and stressed out, your hubby is ignoring you again, your boss reminds you of your controlling father, your sex life is running on empty, your career is stale, your work is unfulfilling….and you over-eat, drink, carouse, fight….

See the problem is that most of us know when we are displaying self-destructive and unhealthy behaviour. We all know that eating  a pint of ice cream probably isn’t the best thing to do…but let’s look deeper, shall we (uh oh…I just know a bunch of you are running for the hills right about now!) Why are you eating that ice cream / souffle / donuts? What feeling / memory / are you trying to dull? Loneliness? Fear? Abandonment? Feeling unloved? Unworthy?

See…if you can learn to NOT fall into those well worn tracks that keep you stuck in the mud, and ask the question in silence…without reacting by reaching for sweets, treats, smoking, alcohol, brawling, an extra marital affair….but how do you do this?

The first thing you do when you reach for that escape item….stop. Sit in silence…be aware, be courageous and ask what sits behind it…what are you trying to not feel? Write it down, cry, breathe, listen, be curious and stand outside yourself, like an observer……

The second thing you do is create a new action…go for a walk, turn on some music and dance, write, do some deep breathing. See nature abhors a vacuum, so you simply can’t NOT do the offending behaviour….you have to replace it with another action. Pretty soon, you will create fresh tire tracks that cut deeper and deeper, and will soon replace the old tire tracks of your destructive behaviour. You will automatically fall into the fresh, new, healthier pattern (tracks) you’ve created. And that soon becomes your default button-a healthier way to soothe and heal your emotional chaos.

We all have our Emotional Escape Hatches. When I was younger, it was drugs and alcohol. But as I ‘matured’, I replaced it with being an over-acheiver and a workaholic. (Yep, I thought I had put my childhood behind me!) But as I continued to dig deeper, I could see the pattern again: while being a ‘workaholic’ seems to be a more approved addiction, it is still an addiction. Hmmm…more work to be done.

Now, when I feel those feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, surely left over from a dysfunctional and chaotic childhood, I turn off the computer and take my dog for a 20 minute walk, breathing in the air, looking up at the sky, and finding things to be thankful for….

There. My anxiety starts to pass, and I feel filled up with power and gratitude, ready to take on the rest of the day. A new set of tire tracks has been created, but it took a very long time to create it (and longer to recognize the hidden feelings under it all) but now it’s my new default. And somehow life seems easier.

Come to know your Emotional Escape Hatches. Be gentle with them…they were created (by you!) to protect you, and you are able to handle them in all their scariness. Emotions can’t hurt you, they just need to be validated, and in doing so, they don’t get bigger (this is what most people fear), they actually diminish and their hold over you starts to dissolve. Ah….freedom at last!

Ladies, be brave. Dig. Open. Look. Feel. And feel it blow right through you…and away from you, into the cosmos. We are the strongest force in the Universe, us women. And we can do this! You CAN do this. I promise.

Good luck. And happy trails.
karen 

Today my son is off to Canuck Place Hospice in Vancouver for a visit. It’s an amazing place for kids with terminal illnesses, a place for them to get away from it all, and to offer up a rest to parents.

 Many years ago, Tristan was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy.Since then, we have          learned to live every day to the fullest, to treasure what we have while we have it, and to      accept the lot we have been given. Because to deny the truth, and to live in resistance to what  is, is surely damaging to the body’s delicate cells.

 I know. I lived there for many years. And for years, my body was awash in pain,  depression, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. The labels or the diagnoses never mattered to  me: I knew it was a result of a broken spirit, and the subsequent 8-years of my ill health were  due solely to this single event.

As a coach and a trainer, I am keenly aware of my health, and the health of the people I  coach. I know when something is amiss, it has its physical manifestations, sure, but the emotional and spiritual are running the show. Truly. If you are sabotaging your eating, if you just can’t motivate yourself to go train, then you need to go inward….what’s standing in your way? What are you really saying to yourself? Maybe you’re just not ready to change, or don’t want a healthy physique just yet….believe it or not, this is true also.

Fitting in yet another training session, and having to spend the extra time to shop, cook and prepare clean food can be time consuming. But it’s a choice we need to take if we want a healthy, fit, active body, and a healthy mind. Because good health never happens by accident. It is a constant choice and a movement into action. Period.

So when people ask me why I continue to train well into my 50′s, I say I train because I can. Because my son does not have the luxury of living in a strong, capable body. So when someone makes an obvious excuse for not training, I listen to their reasons, but deep inside, I silently wish I could trade that moment of opportunity and give it to my son, so he could feel the wonder of being able to move his body with strength and purpose. Sometimes health is wasted on the capable among us.

So next time you go to over indulge in poor food choices, ask yourself why you want to hurt yourself. Next time you feel you are too busy to train, think of those who cannot experience the pleasure of that movement, people like Tristan, and the many others struck down with disease and ageing, who can only hold the dream of one day being able to enjoy what we all sometimes take for granted.

karen