I had created an attachment to Tristan’s future. I had believed that my son would live a ‘normal’ life, but with his living now with a degenerative disease, I have to alter my expectations of his life, his future. I have to let go of all the things we often take for granted and replace them with a new reality, a new normal….
I ask myself several important questions – “What if we were all wheelchair-bound by 12 years old? What if we all lived no longer than 21 years of age? How would ‘normal’ look then?” Through asking these questions, I am starting to experience a break from traditional thought. I am beginning to see with fresh eyes. I am beginning to recreate a different vision for Tristan’s future, but fear and sadness engulf me.
This letting go process continues to be a long, hard lesson. I want to hold on tight, to control the outcome and to make it right, the way it’s supposed to be. But I know that with every little bit of letting go, it frees up room at the other end for something else, something better, to move in.
But I cannot let go. I’m afraid to let go……
Excerpt from One Rep at a Time: An athlete and mother reveals the secrets to creating inner power and serenity.
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